Joshua Beta 1 (A master datasheet, 2006-2010)

This ancient drawing was strted in the year 2006 and it was finished until the year 2010 due to hard, complicated situations in my own personal life...xD

This drawing is awful, ugly and was made and executed in a terrible, horrible way because of a huge, giant depression where I used to try to forgot my sorrows and sadness drinking lots of coffee, coke, and a bunch of overly sugared stimulants Most of them were stolen by myself). I had started this drawing at the end of the year 2006, but On April 2007 I lost all my drawing skills and abilities because my stadiness got screwed, which caused I were deeper into my sadness and depression...

That heavy-duty depression was caused by a lot of sad, unfortunate events:

On Summer 2006 Oaxaca city was in a chaotic situation. I thought my country, Mexico, was at the point of a civil war or a revolution. The guilty are some of my enemies, some teachers in public schools, who are working in strike since the beginning of the eighties. Those teachers always hated me because they felt (and still feel) a deep, huge envy. Every time I used to prove I was (and still am) better than them, they used to punish me (most of times they not even needed a reason for denying me my recess time, unvalidating my homeworks and even kicking me out of the classroom) and/or scolding me. I had to become by myself in a private eye and in a spy when I was in the junior high school (seventh, eighth and ninth grades) and I had to learn some of the ways and modes of operation and procedures for "the Herod's Law" (yes, most of Mexican are corrupt and neglectful by nature) for saving myself from the unfaithful "bad behavior reports", the failed subjects, and some students' revenges (because I always have been hated even by my own classmates due to I'm a gifted indigenous, androgynous Mexican boy). Some of my own bribes consisted of three-X'ed, porn drawings made by myself with expensive material and that's the why I could finish the junior high school at the same time I earned lots of money making and doing  what I like. When I saw some of those teachers in envy with me lain on the floor, drunk and wasting time in a stupid strike - because they love earn money and being in comfort without working and their labor union forces them to be in strike under penalty of fire them, withholding their wages or forcing them to work in one of those ugly, poor and remote indigenous towns in Mexico, where "not even God passes" earning a ridiculous wage and denying them their worker's rights. Unfortunately, all public school's teachers are quite left-winged and communist to the bone. They aren't enough smart for realizing they are being used by their labor union's leader. And that's useless; although they were entered of it, they are lazy and hates going to work (I understand them. I never got along with my fool, rude, rough, tough, messy and wild classmates) - I used to make fun of them shouting them "Who is the rebel now? Hey you, bunch of lazy drunks, go to work and let to screwing up or lives!". On June the 14th, 2006, they were removed from the city's downtown by governor's orders, using the federal police and violence. I got quite happy because of that, but they used the situation for manipulating people's mindset using politician's errors, evil acts and uncompromisings, laying Oaxaca city in a siege. It was horrible. At the same time they sieged and almost destroyed Oaxaca city, some of them was looking for me for killing me! Communism supports and lets laziness, and Stalin, teachers' idol, used to be a supressor and a killer, by the way. After Oaxaca state's government forced them to back at work, they tried to ruin my professional future when they attempted that I failed all subjects and my scholar file were overfullfilled with false flaws and bad behavior reports, but I used my top secret arm (even I appeared on the only one local T.V. broadcast station thanks to the things, stuffs and matters I discovered for supressing teachers' and students' revenges against me). Certainly, I won that battle (they attempted to lynch me in my fifteenth birthday, the junior high school's last day, after graduate's ceremony, but that bunch of losers couldn't not even get me afraid of them...xD

Unforntunately, I also lost that war: When the scholar cycle ended (in my fifteenth birthday), they returned to siege my city and therefore they attempted to lynch me again. I underwent that awful situation for four or five months. That caused I had to move eleven miles at the south of Oaxaca city, in a ruined and almost abandoned suburb that still seems Nowhereland (Sometimes electric service fails, and never there have had potable water service. The streets are totally ruined and my neighboors are crap because of their behavior and mindset; it's a criminal's shelter that not even appears on Google Maps)....xD 

When 2006 Oaxaca's siege finished on November, I tried to study in an expensive high school for artists (My skills and abilities and knowledge helped me a lot). It was very easy when I still used to live in the city, but when I had to move on January 2007, my staying at school got harmed. I must add that those bunch of "artists" who used to be my classmates were just a lot of left-winged, elitist and unruly losers. Not only they used to discriminate and make fun of me because of my heritage, they also acted as a barrier in my common bussinesses. They misjudged my drawings as "a poor attempt of people's art addressed to folk's mob made by a folk's craftsman" and I couldn't sell them. They misjudged my texts as "a poor attempt of cheap poetry addressed to illiterate folk's mob, whose main feature is its poor, square, cold and dry prose and its outdated style" and I couldn't not even show them as homework. They overreacted in a ugly way when they realized I'm a right-winged Nazi-libertarian boy that defends indigenous and androgynous people, open-minded, strong-willed and strong-minded, without prejudices. I was considered a "black sheep", a "ugly duckling". They also overreacted when they knew I'm a cross-dresser after a failed crossplay in an anime and comic's convention (In that place I was crossplaying a very sexy dark-skinned girl from a known anime series. I was so sexy... Some ancient enemies attempted to rap me, even after realizing I was a boy and I used to be his classmate despite they used to attach me homosexuality when I was at junior high school. I was banned and kicked out from that comic's convention for two years, and from then on I can't crossplay there) and from then on some gay classmates and even gay teachers attempted to have sex with me. One of those teachers wanted blackmailed me: I had to have sex with him or I'd shall be banned and kicked out from the school. Well... I was kicked out from school and Mom punished me (I got convincing her to study high school at home). I must add that Mom burned most of my texts and drawings in the year 1999 and 2007 because she still considers I'm wasting time and money. I rescued and saved some of my texts (Draft 1, before 1999 and Draft 2, before 2007) and drawings from the fire despite Mom punished me even using physical violence. This drawing was saved from the fire because it was pretty hidden. For avoiding that she could discover I'm a cross-dresser I had to donate my female clothes and I sold all my photos in female clothes and crossplay...xD

Due to Oaxaca city's siege, Mom's bussiness went under and went bankrupt. After I had to move, poverty harmed me in a cruel way: I used to owe a lot of money to internet's places (places where a computer with internet service is rented to you) because internet got compulsory, I used to travel in buses figuring out lots of ways for traveling for free (Some bus conductors hate me and deny me to get in their buses because of this), sometimes I was starving, I rarely got to finish a homework, I used to be even two weeks without taking a bath because of that lack of water that still affects me (I returned to that horrible suburb in the year 2011, forced by Mom, due to her fool dreams about having her own house "in a quiet place" far, far away from the chaotic city). I didn't have not even a pencil or a pen for keeping on my lifetime project! (Without mentioning that typewriter's inked ribbons were discontinued and getting them is getting harder and harder as time goes foward). I was totally ruined. On October 2007 I fell in a deep depression: Sometimes I used to escape from home for a while, stimulated with coffee or coke, remembering my old, good days of glory, when I used to be rich and [in]famous. But sometimes I couldn't avoid to cry and weeping - even in a silent way - at nights or when I was remembering my glorious past. My allergies and another ancient health problems returned too (they return when I am pretty ad and I keep my sadness hidden). And I must add this: On October 2007 Mom got pretty ill, which caused that our bankrupt and general situation in our lives became worse (but she is lucky; she is always lucky and specialized doctors keeps her stable since the end of the year 2008). Despite I was studying at home (I used to escape from home after my exams; The federal government tests you outside home in places previously assigned), my own family became another of those annoying classmates and I started to collect a lot of wrath and rankor against them. Finally, I released all that wrath and rankor in the year 2009, but slowly. My mind gets mighty when I'm wrathful and I found the way for convincing Mom to leave that awful suburb, returning to the city and that she lets me to study a career - engineering in electronics - and therefore causing that she returned to her job creating her own bussiness again...xD

The way I returned to my lifetime project is this: In the year 2008, on February, I was weeping in a silent way, lain on bed pretending to be asleep. Suddenly, a strange event happened: My own character named Claire - dressed with a indigo "charro" suit - appeared in front of me, telling me being "my divine mother" who decided to do something for help me and saving me from that hell. She told me she was fighting for my rights in the superior planes before The Destiny's Rulers (Yes, as seen on my book. What a strange case!!), but my life wouldn't get better until I rebooted my lifetime project. I told her that book caused me problems and troubles with my family, with society and in my life, and I rejected her offer (It's strange but nobody listened to that conversation). Obviously, I thought "I'm getting mad! I'm nuts! It's Delirium Tremens!". But she took my two hands, made me to get up of the bed and she huggled me, caressed my long hair and I answered her acts huggling her - because I could feel her body and she seems a real person - and saying "You are real! How is it possible!". Crying and weeping I told her some private matters mixed with some things, stuffs and matters written lines above and she answered me "I'll be blunt with you: You must finish, submit and post the books whose ideas I put into your mind, or your life shall be worse than the worst hell never told. It's compulsory for you. The events you presenced in your life were caused by the consequences of your acts in past lives because your are stupid and smart at the same time, but I decided to give you some talents, skills and abilities with Destiny Rulers' authorization for getting that you pay the divine wages, the divine taxes and the divine owes that you have. If you don't obey me, I'll punish you and the Destiny Rulers also punish us. Don't reject my offer, please. Consider this gift as your last Wise Men's day's gift. Don't be thankless and finish the book!". After that, I got blind for a few seconds. After that, she dissappeared and instead of her presence, I had a lot of blank paper (the paper that I saved in a secret place, which are rests of old notebooks that I was collecting since I was six years old), a pencil sharpener that I thought it was lost everly after, an eraser (I still have it and I still use it) and a new drawing pencil (HB, Mexican scale; It's over right now but I still preserve its rests). I still could listen to her last words: Your work shall be easy thanks to me. I'll give you the tools, ways and procedures for carrying out it. Don't waste your last chance". After that I noticed that there were a reel of thick, wide thread that seems yarn (Mom bought it, but it was lost for lots of years... thus then), a wide needle (maybe a knitting or a darning needle, I don't know enough about needles) whose existence I thought it was over and the bunch of floppy covers for notebooks - that I was collecting since I was six years old -  on the bed. That night I decided to make my own huge draftbook/sketchbook using that material. It still exists...xD

All the nights of the years 2008, 2009, 2010 and the first month of the year 2011, while I was doing my homework, I was making the definitive version of my book in that huge notebook that contains over 1000 sheets. I wrote a lot of text while I was outside home too. Even I was writing and drawing while I was in quarantine due to the swine flu on October 2009. This is one of the drawings that are fighting for its survival in my personal file. When I finished the first two chapters (after deciding to modify my writing format and my writing and drafting style) appeared the chance for returning to the city, for studying a career and for having money thank to Mom's job and my own bussinesses (I discovered the DeviantArt in the year 2009, but I didn't have a scanner yet, and "in computers I mistrust"). When I finished the sixth chapter, a girl-friend appeared on my life. On April 2011 I underwent another of those life's twists and my lifetime project suffered the consequences but that's another story...xD


Now, returning to the main theme: This drawing is a master datasheet that contains (rejected) information for compiling and making (Yes, I love G.N.U./Linux argot) the nineteenth, twentieth and twenty-first chapter. As you can see, it's terrible. It depicts also what I wrote lines above, what inspired me to rebuild some lost components in what used to be the chapters 7 & 8 in Draft 1 and the chapter 16 in Draft 2. Yes, my English sucks. It still sucks, but at least it's better than what I wrote in this drawing. Yes, it's based on a Rider Waite's Tarot card. I used to copy some existing drawings for making the mine ones...xD